Fast Food Reviews

Burger King's Enormous Omelet

While some might see this as the King's paean to the workin' man in need of fuel for his arduous day at the slate quarry, we think it's basically a big, bacony bird flipped in the direction of the soy latte crowd. This is an unapologetically appalling sandwich, with the physical density of an Oxford English Dictionary soaked in pig drippings, and a calorie count sufficient to sustain an Olsen twin well into the next decade.

And holy heck, is it grossly, cheesily, saltily, porkily delicious. Or, at least so seemed the two or three bites we wolfed down before curling up under our desk in a grease coma.

Nicole Goksel, AOL

Wendy's Baconator

Brooklyn's Ali D., our operative in the fast food field (and, thank goodness for her arteries and digestive system, a yoga instructor) reported her Baconator Lunch to be, "An unbelievably tasty and well-balanced sandwich. Equal hits of bacon, beef, and cheese. Yum!" and her post-consumption state as "PMS-ing, bloated, and satisfied." We were somewhat less effusive about ours, finding it somewhat enjoyable, but not especially distinctive, with the bacon lacking any notable flavor or crunch. Word from the underground bacon network is that there's an ongoing effort to coerce Wendy's to reinstate their Big Bacon Classic in lieu of the Baconator, but reports are sketchy -- and slightly grease stained.

Read the full review and post your own on Slashfood.

Nicole Goksel, AOL

Burger King's Cheesy Bacon BK Wrapper

Has an alien race devised a sinister long-term plan to deprive Earthlings of our ability to use cutlery, or are they attempting to condition a population to be so efficient that the need to stop driving in order to perform basic bodily maintenance is negated? For heck's sake, the tater tots are built right into this eggy breakfast wrap! Sure, that sogs 'em down to mush, but at least one doesn't have to deal with a pesky container and fork. Or, you know, chewing.

And yes, it tastes every bit as nummy as it looks.


Nicole Goksel, AOL

Premium Grilled Chicken Classic Sandwich

It would seem that amongst the rogues gallery of menu items from McD's, a grilled chicken sandwich would cluck right out as one of the healthier options. That's probably true 'cause the sandwich's 1,190 mg of sodium makes it impossible to choke down more than a couple of bites before having to toss it out to the nearest deer for use as a salt lick.

Our standards, as you can tell if you've read this far, are not at all high, and this is quite possibly the worst tasting fast food sandwich we've ever encountered. It's slimy, salty and floppy and made us dopey, bloatey and grumpy.

Nicole Goksel, AOL

KFC's Famous Bowl

As a pal of ours says, "It's all the good stuff you want to eat, all together in one bowl!" True, corn, chicken, cheese, rice, biscuits, gravy (mmmm...gravy...) and mashed potatoes are delicious in their own right. However, all a-glop together, it reminds us of something we would have stirred together on our plates as children ... and for which our parents would have reprimanded us.


Read the full review and post your own on Slashfood.

White Castle Frozen Cheese Slyders

As lifelong Slyder fans, we were worried that the translation from restaurant to refrigerated vending machine and microwave was gonna muck things up. Turns that wasn't a problem, as the distinctive savor and bun/patty texture meld stands up manfully and fluffily against intensive nuking. While this might cause some to question the quality of the original in-restaurant item, we prefer to see the sack half full and just appreciate.

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