Hated Holiday Foods
Holiday Foods We Hate
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Assorted Chocolates
Assorted chocolate boxes are a cruel tease, indeed, and provoke downright boorish behavior from folks you'd think would be better behaved. We're talking about the pokers, the bite-and-put-it-backers, the hoggers of the caramel centered ones who leave us to step unwittingly into the vile, tooth-rotting marsh of fruit creams and mysterious nougats -- or in other words, our families. Howzabout we save the games of chance for casino night and the lottery and just stick to sweets with ingredients we can all see?
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Dry Turkey
When we polled our friends and co-workers about the holiday foods they dread, dry, tasteless turkey topped the list -- and with good reason. It's so easy to make a moist bird, using brine, herbed butter, and even festive bacon tents. Why in the world would you subject your guests to drywall-like poultry -- unless you secretly don't wanna have to host next year.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Over-Thought Stuffing
On a similar tip, there's no call for schmancy stuffing. One of the most frequent complaints in our poll was people's irk with unnecessary add-ins like nuts, water chestnuts and other assorted "crunchies" as they were termed, along with "squishies" like oysters and sausage. You've got 364 other dinners with which to get all haute, so just leave the gosh darned seasoned bread alone today.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Candy Canes That Aren't Peppermint
They're fun. They're festive. Heck, they're a holiday icon. Red & white peppermint candy canes are a once-a-year treat we live for -- so why go messing 'em up with wintergreen, spearmint, and heck, cinnamon tutti-frutti? That's something we "cane" all live without.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Fancied-up Cranberry Sauce
Magazine recipe suggestions to the contrary, it sure would seem that people are purists when it comes to cranberries. Our boss decrees, "Give it to me from a can or with simple ingredients but no, I do not want to try your Chai Spiced Chutney Cranberry sauce," and another colleague admits, "I like mine with can lines in it, not the fancy stuff with little stems." So don't get all clever with the cran, when the can's just dandy.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Eggnog
The holidays hit, and suddenly everyone's making like Rocky Balboa and glugging down giant glasses of eggs. Yeah, there's cream, booze and spices involved, but does that honestly make it any less gross?
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Fruitcake
Shockingly enough, we're not gonna slam fruitcake. That would be too easy. Sure, the ubiquitous bricks that litter the shelves of stores that have no business purveying festive baked goods are what's given it a bum rap, but so long as you steer clear of picking 'em up at the same place you buy your shaving cream and drywall screws, you should be fine. Give the homemade version a chance and if you still don't like it, tell ya what -- you can re-gift it to us next Christmas.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Giblet Gravy
We admit that we're split on the giblet issue. Some of us love nothing better than navigating a sea of earthy giblet gravy, and others, well, one colleague says, "Throw that junk away A.S.A.P. What -- do you think we are in Seattle Grace with those organs lying about?" and another says, succinctly, "Giblets are gross." Okay, more for the rest of us! That is, just as long as there's no skin floating on top. Eeewwww!!!
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Gelatin Salads
We're glad for gelatin and wacky for whipped stuff, but when the twain meet, it often ain't pretty. And, when mayo or fish get in the mix, we admit to cringing. Any combo of those, and we're shaking like the stuff in the mold.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Mincemeat Pie
Suet is for the birds, so please don't go sticking it in our holiday pies. Mincemeat, traditionally, is a finely-chopped mix of fresh, dried and candied fruits, spirits such as rum or brandy, spices, beef or venison, and suet, which is raw beef or mutton fat. As we'd mentioned before with the gelatin salads, combos of this stuff ought not be found hanging out together in a single dish, and especially not in the sweet and innocent guise of a pie. It's been a lovely day, so please don't make us have to feign sudden vegetarianism during dessert.
Brian Hagiwara , jupiterimages
