Hated Holiday Foods
Holiday Foods We Hate
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Assorted Chocolates
Assorted chocolate boxes are a cruel tease, indeed, and provoke downright boorish behavior from folks you'd think would be better behaved. We're talking about the pokers, the bite-and-put-it-backers, the hoggers of the caramel centered ones who leave us to step unwittingly into the vile, tooth-rotting marsh of fruit creams and mysterious nougats -- or in other words, our families. Howzabout we save the games of chance for casino night and the lottery and just stick to sweets with ingredients we can all see?
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Dry Turkey
When we polled our friends and co-workers about the holiday foods they dread, dry, tasteless turkey topped the list -- and with good reason. It's so easy to make a moist bird, using brine, herbed butter, and even festive bacon tents. Why in the world would you subject your guests to drywall-like poultry -- unless you secretly don't wanna have to host next year.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Over-Thought Stuffing
On a similar tip, there's no call for schmancy stuffing. One of the most frequent complaints in our poll was people's irk with unnecessary add-ins like nuts, water chestnuts and other assorted "crunchies" as they were termed, along with "squishies" like oysters and sausage. You've got 364 other dinners with which to get all haute, so just leave the gosh darned seasoned bread alone today.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Candy Canes That Aren't Peppermint
They're fun. They're festive. Heck, they're a holiday icon. Red & white peppermint candy canes are a once-a-year treat we live for -- so why go messing 'em up with wintergreen, spearmint, and heck, cinnamon tutti-frutti? That's something we "cane" all live without.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Fancied-up Cranberry Sauce
Magazine recipe suggestions to the contrary, it sure would seem that people are purists when it comes to cranberries. Our boss decrees, "Give it to me from a can or with simple ingredients but no, I do not want to try your Chai Spiced Chutney Cranberry sauce," and another colleague admits, "I like mine with can lines in it, not the fancy stuff with little stems." So don't get all clever with the cran, when the can's just dandy.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Eggnog
The holidays hit, and suddenly everyone's making like Rocky Balboa and glugging down giant glasses of eggs. Yeah, there's cream, booze and spices involved, but does that honestly make it any less gross?
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Fruitcake
Shockingly enough, we're not gonna slam fruitcake. That would be too easy. Sure, the ubiquitous bricks that litter the shelves of stores that have no business purveying festive baked goods are what's given it a bum rap, but so long as you steer clear of picking 'em up at the same place you buy your shaving cream and drywall screws, you should be fine. Give the homemade version a chance and if you still don't like it, tell ya what -- you can re-gift it to us next Christmas.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Giblet Gravy
We admit that we're split on the giblet issue. Some of us love nothing better than navigating a sea of earthy giblet gravy, and others, well, one colleague says, "Throw that junk away A.S.A.P. What -- do you think we are in Seattle Grace with those organs lying about?" and another says, succinctly, "Giblets are gross." Okay, more for the rest of us! That is, just as long as there's no skin floating on top. Eeewwww!!!
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Gelatin Salads
We're glad for gelatin and wacky for whipped stuff, but when the twain meet, it often ain't pretty. And, when mayo or fish get in the mix, we admit to cringing. Any combo of those, and we're shaking like the stuff in the mold.
We Love Holiday Treats -- Just Not...
Mincemeat Pie
Suet is for the birds, so please don't go sticking it in our holiday pies. Mincemeat, traditionally, is a finely-chopped mix of fresh, dried and candied fruits, spirits such as rum or brandy, spices, beef or venison, and suet, which is raw beef or mutton fat. As we'd mentioned before with the gelatin salads, combos of this stuff ought not be found hanging out together in a single dish, and especially not in the sweet and innocent guise of a pie. It's been a lovely day, so please don't make us have to feign sudden vegetarianism during dessert.
Brian Hagiwara , jupiterimages
Recent Comments
redsoxloverswb 08:09:03 AM Dec 26 2008
(1.) Try the (famous brand) raspberry/cranberrysauce. You might never go back to the regular type! (2.) I've made a lot of giblet gravy, and never seen any that's dark brown like that in the picture. Strain out the organs after cooking, and enough people will like it to make up for the (always) shortage of regular gravy. (3.) I agree with penmancll: I hate peppermint, and like the alternative flavors of candy canes. What's really annoying, though, is trying to get them out of that plastic shrink-wrap! (4.) Jell-o, yes! Fish in it? No way! that's a waste of good Jell-o and good fish! (5.) If it ain't got meat in it, it ain't mincemeat! It's just mince.
redsoxloverswb 07:53:47 AM Dec 26 2008
I LOVE stuffing! It's the best part of the meal, especially when topped with gravy! But please leave out the chestnuts and (yuck!) oysters! I always make enough to stuff two turkeys, and it's still gone before the mashed potatoes get cold. I make TWO double batches of the following: Chop two large onions, and saute in two sticks of oleo or butter. Add about 16-18 slices of bread, chopped and (oven-)dried (@200 for an hour, stirring regularly). Season with salt (1/2 to 1 teaspoon) and Bell's Seasoning, to taste: start with one or two tablespoonsful; mix well, taste test, and repeat as necessary. I usually use about 1/4 to 1/2 box. Beat four eggs well, then add one cup of milk, and add to bread mixture. Cook the extra stuffing in a casserole dish, cake pan, or whatever, at 350 for about 30-40 minutes.
brwbecraft 02:17:31 AM Dec 26 2008
Could you people possibly get your own nose stuck any further up your own butt?If you don't like it, don't eat it and pull your snotty,east coast /west coast, stuck up, head out of your ...
ddschrbr 09:35:32 PM Dec 25 2008
i make killer eggnog for my Christmas party every year and people want to make sure I have enough for everyone. For starters, I make mine with a base of thin custard...in other words, the egg isn't raw. Lots of vanilla, really fresh local whole milk and real whipped cream complete it. I even made a chocolate version this year which people who like Kahlua or Baileys' would love. I always leave the booze on the side so people can add their choice of alcohol as well as the amount.
asl9810 09:32:53 PM Dec 25 2008
Mince Meat Pie is NOT a pie I see or eat every day..or even once a year..which is why I love it and its a welcomed treat. Same with "Sho-Fly Pie".
penmancll 08:38:52 PM Dec 25 2008
The one inclusion I didn't get were the alternate flavor candy canes. I usually tend to go with tradition and be very old school about stuff. But this is one revolt I am so glad was staged. I absolutely despise the taste of mint. Candy canes are fun-looking but until Life Savers and such folks expanded the flavor range I was stuck on the outside looking in. Long may alt candy canes reign.
overandup00 07:06:09 PM Dec 25 2008
I HATE eggnog more than anything!! it tastes like ____
andimbeverly 06:35:57 PM Dec 25 2008
I just ate two Hostess Twinkies with a glass of milk for Christmas dinner. It was wonderful. I have an upset stomach and that is all which sounded good to me. We are having the big dinner on Saturday when the grandchildren will come home from their father's house. There's a reason for the season. That is all I need to think about to be happy today. Merry Christmas, Everyone. Enjoy the holiday - whatever your circumstances. Having a lavish, extravagant day is not the purpose of Christmas so don't feel guilty if your day is not a Norman Rockwell/Martha Stewart event. In fact...I think I'll have another Twinkie for dessert. Peace. (and, no, I am not overweight. Size 8/10)
nitpickers 05:22:50 PM Dec 22 2008
I love properly seasoned stuffing either with oysters or sausage (not both together) but not slimy, gooey bread with no taste. Giblet gravy is an art... get a decent recipe. And fruitcake when well made and in moderate quantities is an excellent followup, ditto mincedmeat pie (with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top).
astoltman 04:02:47 PM Dec 22 2008
eggnog?? scalloped potatoes?? yummm...i can see about oyster stuffing and fruitcake..even canned cranberry sauce and giblet gravy..dry turkey you can murder it with gravy...the giblet gravy..all you gotta do is pick out the gross stuff..this author is a WUSS!!! :)
